Yep, its about that time again, time to dedicate another blog to ingenious. Today’s topic of choice, befriending your partner’s friends. I have witnessed quite a lot of this lately, not only in my personal life but as an observer to a few of my peers.
Where to begin !?! Hmmm…. I guess I can start by saying that I think this can be a great idea, IF done right. Let me explain. When I first began talking to my sons father or any potential boyfriend, I immediately check out their friends because you know “birds of a feather flock together”. So if his friends are weirdoes than 9 times out of 10 he might be a weirdo as well. Of course I begin to attempt to make connections with his “close” friends in order to a) look like the perfect girlfriends b) make more friends & of course c) have or atleast like to believe that I could have a possible informant when times get rough. However, I have never found myself hating or despising my significant others friendships with females. This hatred, jealousy, insecurity never crossed my mind or filled my soul. However, recently I have been witnessing a lot of “befriending” going on and its just sickening. Again, as I previously stated it can be healthy IF DONE RIGHT. Yet, if you are befriending males or females just to be smart or nebby than that should immediately generate a red flag. In almost all cases, jealousy and insecurity lead to assumptions about the friendship. Thoughts of “does he like her better than me?”, “i wonder what they could be discussing?” “they must be fucking” and countless other assumptions will consume your brain.
I asked a few of my male and female peers about this concept and I generated a lot of conversation about it. I received both positive and negative responses which included:
-my girl should trust me enough to not assume the worse.
-females are catty by nature, so when she befriends all my female friends, I immediately think negatively
-males are LIARS, I don’t trust any.
-I trust my boyfriend ( lol my love stricken mentee’s response)
Those are just a few of the CRAZY responses I received. I consolidated a few because some of the responses were just weird or hard to categorize. Most of the conversations I held were fueled by rage. Males and females were upset that their mates went behind their backs and created secret and public bonds with a few of their friends. Why you ask? For a lack of better words, trust. They felt as if their mates didn’t trust their friendships so they instead went behind their backs to gain knowledge instead of just openly asking them. Which led to broken relationships all because communication wasn’t initiated.
Anyway like I stated I believe that this could in fact be a great concept, IF done right. However who is to say that all intentions of befriending your mates friends are either good or bad? Well that’s up to you & your mate to figure out.
A word of advice, be careful when making new friendships, you never know what may come out of it.
Peace & Love